Who needs elastic

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I was musing the other day about the value of elastic, or rather lack thereof. Before you all dispose of your knicker elastic, or cut it, and cause a general uproar on the streets. I am off course referring to those of us who can’t stand. As I lie in bed or sit in my wheelchair, I find elastic a mixed blessing. Elastic has its uses, in keeping knickers up for instance. But it also has a big drawback; it cuts into your waist. You see I am not completely crazy, there is reason behind my musing. As a perpendicular person you need elastic to prevent gravity acting on your underwear. After all you don’t want to have to hold your underwear up all day. As a horizontal or seated person; I don’t. For me the elastic only has negative impact. In fact, as I wear jogging bottoms as well and they are elasticated, then they have the same issue. I end up with red marks around my waist.

With these important facts in mind hear my brilliant idea. A range of clothing for permanent wheelchair users. A range of clothing that has no elastic. I hear the gasps of admiration and astonishment now. You will be thinking why hasn’t it been done before? My range of ‘wheelie wear’ as I will call it ‘patent pending.’ Will be unique, because it is a totally elastic free range. All the wheelchair clothes I can see have elastic in them somewhere. My genius amazes even me. If you are a wheelie and reading this, you are probably open mouthed in amazement. You are no doubt thinking of all the advantages. Yes, you may have thought of those few disadvantages that also occurred to me. But just how many people are miraculously healed and spring from their chairs in praise? The resulting embarrassment of trousers and knickers around your ankles will be momentary. Then there is of course the size issue, it’s true elastic does cover a multitude of sins. One size fits many. But my range would have to be broader and perhaps there would be an issue with giant gaps at the sides, but what is that compared to the convenience. A few drafts and some discomfort all great inventions have teething problems.

I am thinking that a conventional catwalk show would not work to show off this range of clothing. Although the range would be a bit hidden when worn by wheelies, the compere could point out the lower part of the product. Perhaps the range could be held up for perusal. It may well be that in this day and age when it is so fashionable to have trousers hanging off people’s behinds that there may be a crossover for my range to non-wheelies. It would certainly be an eye raiser and make front page news. I can see the headline now, ‘New wheelie range is a wheel eye opener.’

Before you all start looking out for ‘wheelie wear’ by Nevin, I should point out that my tongue has been firmly in my cheek for this blog.

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