Capes not capons

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I have the answer to all our troubles; capes. Yes capes, forget cooking capons. Get out of your kitchen and into your sewing room. We need capes. Especially shiny, brightly coloured capes. The type that super heroes wear in all the comics and movies. Bear with me, I will explain my logic, because it is all extremely logical, obviously. Am I anything other than logical.

I have had a lot of time to watch movies and I was wondering what to watch next when I decided to work my way through all the super hero movies. Having watched Superman I carried on to the Avengers. Then it hit me; no, not how childish I am. I was watching Vision creating himself a suit; you’ll need to watch it. Oh you have, well you know the bit I mean. Vision is a computer or artificial intelligence that has become a walking, talking super hero. After he makes the suit there is still something missing, yes that’s right, the cloak. He creates a cloak. I realised that Thor and Captain Marvel and Dr Strange all have capes. Other comic book heroes, Superman, Super girl, Batman, Robin, the guy in Shazam, a lot of the characters in Watchmen; you see the principle. Even the ones who don’t have a cape have a pseudo cape. I like to see it as their nod to a cape. Either they have wings or a high collar or big ears or a shield in the case of Captain America. When they have absolutely nothing it’s usually because their ego is too big to fit a cape, as in Iron Man or they are just too destructive and a cape would get ripped, as in the Hulk.

So I think we all agree a cape is a super hero essential and as such the answer the every problem. If you’re not in agreement then just go to the back of the class and sit quietly. We have a problem at the moment during this pandemic, the obvious answer is a cape. If we all had capes then the problem would be sorted. Think about it; don’t throw it out so easily. I am not an idiot, I suppose an idiot would say that, but I have something sensible to say. The reason super heroes wear cloaks are multitudinous. They give balance in flight, they can be used to swish over themselves as cover often turning into a solid bunker, they can cover their mouths when a gas is fired at them, they have inner pockets for your mobile phone and they look very cool.

We need such amazing adaptable capes. We could cover our mouths on public transport, use them as sheilds if people got too close, and carry our spare rubber gloves in the pockets. If they happened to be able to shield us from ray guns, that’s just an added bonus. Plus I am sure we won’t complain if they help us fly. After the lock down ends everyone is going to want to avoid public transport, so personal flight is the obvious answer. Not sure how immigration and customs will cope with hoards of us flying in and out of the UK like swarms of bees but I am looking at capes so that’s not my problem.

You see how useful capes can be. They really are the answer to every problem. OK so perhaps a polyester cape might initially lack some of these capabilities at first. But it will have a pocket for your gloves and look cool. Oh yes and you could hide under it if you felt embarrassed.

I am sure you are all rushing to your PC’s now ordering capes. Or at the very least looking for patterns to make one. Perhaps I should have taken shares in a cape producing company. Capability.uk or Iwanttobeasuperhero.net they will be worth millions by tomorrow.

Do I really need to tell you I was joking. Keep your spirits up during the lockdown. Have a laugh, it’s good for you.

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