I Married A Good’Un

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I have had many times to consider that I married a good’un. What a lucky guy I am. I remember all those years ago; obviously not that many years, because I’m only young. Back in the early 1980’s, when I first met Mary. There was this thunderbolt; no that was just in my mind. I never wanted to be apart from her again.

Well, today, a landscape gardener was round looking at putting in a base for the shed and a path for my wheelchair. He looked at what Mary had already done and he was gobsmacked. In fact, he was saying she works harder than most of his staff. He texted me later, this time tongue in cheek, saying can he offer her a job. Looking after me is Mary’s full-time job.

Earlier in the week the builders carrying out the adaptations on our house, to make it suitable for me, made a similar observation. They couldn’t believe all the physical work Mary had already done in the garden.

The point is, that she is amazing at transforming a garden. Laying out a lawn, cutting borders and planning, are things Mary has done in each of our houses. Some, I have been able to contribute to; not this one. So, I watch in wonder at the things she does. All this on top of being my main carer and doing the standard things of cooking and cleaning; none of which I can help with. I most certainly married a good’un.

In case you think my judgement of what makes a wife good or bad is based on physical strength, or cooking and cleaning; let me clarify. Mary is brilliant because she is kind, generous, loving, a woman of God, a great wife and mother. Mary is gentle, understanding, long suffering; that goes without saying having me as a husband. Mary is clever, inventive and strong, both in spirit and mind. Mary knows how to overcome difficulty and she is the one who comes up with all my best ideas. She is my strength and my right hand. I have most certainly married a good’un.

There are many unpaid carers out there and my hat goes off to you all. I also realise that for many of you, the person you care for is unable or unwilling to recognise your help. Sometimes that’s the illness affecting their mind. For some it’s the frustration of wanting to do it themselves, blinding them to gratitude. For others it is just ignorance; they have never thought about it. Their character gets in the way. So, I want to say to all of you who care do unpaid for others: Thank you, you are doing an amazing job. Without the great army of friends and family who sacrifice their lives to care for others, we would not have a life. (I have separately blogged about paid carers.)

I can and do say that to Mary. If you are someone who receives care from a family or friend; stop and think. I realise that you want to do things yourself; of course, you do. But, recognise that the person helping you is giving up a lot to do that. Say thank you, realise that they are putting their life on hold, to help you.

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